by Expert Amy Levine, M.A.
www.sexedsolutions.com

While it may seem that everyone reaches orgasm, believe it or not, a lot of women have elusive experiences.  And, it’s no surprise, as most sex positions don’t stimulate the clitoris—a necessary target for many women.  To make sex more euphoric and potentially orgasmic, experiment with configurations that give space for you or your lover to touch this erogenous area manually.  Or, slip a small vibrator (like the bullet) between the two of you when you’re having intercourse. 

However, the surest way to become attuned to what will get you off:  Explore your body during solo-sex sessions.  Creating a relaxing ambiance, get into a comfortable position.  Then, sensuously touch your skin from head to toe.  Building your arousal as you find your hot spots, discover how you want and need them stimulated.  Adding water-based lube to your fingers, explore your vulva (the visible area of your genitals) with varying pressures, strokes, and rhythms—particularly your clitoris that has the sole purpose of pleasure.  And, your vagina—particularly locating your G-spot (which can be found once you’re aroused a couple of inches into your vaginal canal on the front of your vaginal wall). Rocking your hips front to back with subtle movements, and fantasizing a steamy scenario can also increase your excitement.

Whether you’re alone or with a lover, the trick is to stay in the moment.  If you get discouraged, don’t give up.  Simply refocus, refrain from making orgasm your goal, and try to take your pleasure one step further each session.  The most amazing sensations that will bring you over the edge can happen when you least expect it.  Remember, every orgasm is unique, and isn’t necessarily obtained every encounter.  So, enjoy the journey without holding yourself to an earth-shattering standard.

If after trying these tips you still have trouble climaxing, talk with your OB/GYN or other doc to rule out any physical culprits.  If you think a psychological cause can be to blame, or you want or need one-on-one conversation with a coach or counselor check out the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists.  They offer a national listing of certified experts on their website that can help you get to the root of the orgasmic inhibitor.

© 2009 Amy Levine, www.sexedsolutions.com